my therapist

my blog is my therapist. i talk to it and it makes me feel better.
... ... ...
i'm so tired. i'm drained. could someone please come and steal me away for a few days? just one day would be nice. i know that in my last post, i said about having a lazy day. well... even though i didnt GO anywhere, it wasnt really lazy. its work. its hard work. i think a lot of people dont realize how hard it is having a baby at home.
yeah, she's small. yeah, she takes naps. but really... its hard. First of all, lets dispell the myth that she sleeps all the time. Not anymore. Newborns do. But she's mobile now, and on the go. She normally takes two naps a day, and lately only for 45 minutes each. So, i get to shower during the first nap. if i'm lucky, blog too. During the second nap, i do housework. Sometimes i try doing work while she's awake; it doesnt always work. i'm in the middle of paying bills and-- NO ERICA! i have to move her from climbing the stairs or getting into the garbage can. and lets dispell another myth: i DONT sit around and watch TV all day long. The only TV i watch is like 10 minutes of the news in the morning.
today, i ate a small bit of cereal at breakfast. i didnt get lunch. i didnt have time.
this is how today went: she woke up at six and SCREAMED! i gave her a bottle. i was tired, but she wouldnt go back to sleep. so, i put her downstairs (cuz its all baby-proofed except for the stairs leading upstairs), and laid down w/ my pillow and blanket in front of the stairs. and instead of playing with ANYTHING AVAILABLE, she tried climbing around me to the stairs. finally, i gave up trying.
She slept from 8-8:20. So, i gave her breakfast-- applesauce, and trying to give her oatmeal again. Well, she wouldnt eat. She just wasnt interested. So, by 10, she was hungry. Cuz her last bottle was 4 hours ago and she had no other food in her. She screamed and screamed. I gave her 4 oz of formula. She fell asleep at 11:30. I showered, then came to the computer to Mapquest directions to the dentist for andrew. before i was finished doing that, she was awake. Only a 25-30 minute nap.
So, she had lunch. Normally i eat with her. but she wouldnt eat. she didnt want to. she refused everything. so, i had to let her go w/o getting a chance for me to eat. So, then i tried doing chores. Paid the bills-- though she was getting into EVERYTHING while i was trying. i finished that, walked out to the mailbox with her and put them in. When we came in, she screamed and screamed. She was hungry again. Only 3 or 3:30, too early for dinner. But, i gave her a bottle. but she hardly drank any. then i did dishes, but she was still miserable. She wouldnt take a nap.
Then hubby came home.
I was about to break down crying.
but of course, just 5 minutes before he came home, she settled down. So, it appears as though everythings been okay the whole day. ... sigh...

I NEED A BREAK! i love my baby. with all my heart. but i'm getting worn out. do you understand, i get NO help all day long. its just me and Erica. Erica and me. Just us. PLEASE, someone come kidnap me. [me, not her.]