Every Good Intention

i've been thinking a lot lately about intentions and motivations. we have them behind every single thing that we do and say. think about it...

its made me realize the problems with things that i do and how those things come across to others. ... my biggest problem is my MOUTH. i talk a lot. i used to say: "i open my mouth and words come out." my meaning was that i was quick to give an answer, without even thinking about what i was saying. so, i often say things that are wrong and can be hurtful.

basicly, i'm a really defensive person. when i feel even slightly attacked (whether i really am, or if its just me taking it as so), i start TALKING AND TALKING. i say all kinds of things to point all blame away from myself.

so anyway. i've been thinking about the intentions behind my words. and most times, my intentions are defensive. the problem is, often i'm not really being attacked and so i get defensive for no reason.

i've been trying to put these ideas into practice. its hard. i am, basicly, trying to think before i talk. its been good, so far. (though, i have slipped up a few times.) i've been able to speak much calmer, not point blame anywhere else, not raise my voice, not quickly spit out a retort.

its gonna take a lot of time though. i mean, come on-- its hard to think before you talk!