just to get this off my chest

I need to just say this. Maybe saying it will make it all better.

It's driving me nuts! I feel so stupid. Not as in 'lame,' but really really dumb. No IQ. Because all day I'm talking like an idiot. "Oh, is Elmo taking a nap? He must be tired; he had a long day." Or perhaps: "That's bumpy? You're right! How neat!" And of course, "Oh, you're right. Your baby [doll] needs her bottle. She's probably very hungry." And all of this is said in a higher pitched, sweet-oozy voice, with lots of fake enthusiasm.

Oh how I miss real conversations! I don't want to pretend that all of Sesame Street is taking a nap. Yes, it's cute when she lines them all up on the carpet, puts a blanket over them, and whispers "shhh." All of these moments are cute. But adding them all together, and subtracting outside contact, equals: AHHHHHHH!!!

Last night, Andrew and a group of guys got together to do some painting. I went along just to bring dinner. While there, I was *trying* to have adult interaction... but ended up chasing Erica around. I felt so stupid constantly talking to her, saying "Oh, baby's rocking? That's so nice of you to rock her." And "Thank you for sharing your cup with the baby." [Her baby doll, not a real child.] I felt like an idiot, with these guys hearing me talk so childishly.

***Sigh***

Today is going well though. We all went to a flower/plant store this morning. Bought a few flowers and lots of vegetable plants. Then we came home and planted them in our garden. It was a lot of fun... and especially relaxing b/c Andrew took charge over Erica for the most part. Then I made chicken on the grill. And to toot my own horn: It turned out fabulously!

Now Erica's napping. Andrew's cleaning up things outside. And I'm able to relax. Yeah!