Ya-ya [part two]

i believe that i finally got this to work. However, my Zwinky is still livid; she wants to kill the computer]

I met w/ my mom's group on friday. [Okay, so there's only three of us.] We're looking thru a book called "finding joy in all you are." and that day's topic was about being a mom. it was good to look thru... One specific paragraph really made me think:

"without a doubt, mothering is one of the most sacrificial roles on earth. With each child, you give a bit more of your heart and yourself away. But it can also be one of the most rewarding roles on earth. [Think about] a few of the rewards of mothering that you've experienced lately."

So, what are some of my most recent rewards? I love seeing 'love' grow in erica. does that make sense? I'm begining to see that erica loves other people who are special in her life. It melts my heart. Also, hearing her learn more words and building her verbal skills. Its wonderful to have a conversation with her [as much as you can have with an almost-two year old]. And a bit on the not-so-serious side, her switch to a big-girl-bed has been great. she really loves her new bed. Its so much easier now to get her to sleep. and she even sleeps in later in the morning. [she's still asleep now!]

i think that the auther really hits on the main reason that being a SAHM [or even a working mom] is so hard. It's b/c you give your heart to your child. its hard to raise your child, knowing that everything you do and say is going to mold this little one into who she will be as an adult.


Saturday night i watched "Divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood." I saw it before, when it had come out. i really liked it. i enjoy movies that depict the human plight, and show them working thru those problems.

But watching this movie now, i bawled my eyes out. Why this time? b/c i'm a mommy now. and i'm scared to death of "messing up" my child. Granted, i'm nothing like this mother. I'm not an alcoholic-- i dont drink at all [only coffee]; i dont abuse prescription medication; i dont hit my child; i've never run away for several days w/o telling anyone where i'm going.

still, it is scary to think about how any of my actions are influencing my daughter. i really hope that erica will grow into a kind, considerate, loving adult... But worrying wont really solve anything, will it?

i think more than worrying constantly, i need to just continue focusing on those "good rewards," as listed above. When i see these rewards in her life, it encourages me that i'm doing something right.